but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
