Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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