I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
well you can't waste a boner
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Randomize
