I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
