I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
