I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
