Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
