You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
