i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
