i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize