all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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