you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
