3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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