we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
