I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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