We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize