Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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