I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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