I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
