my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
