I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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