So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
