in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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