So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
