I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
