this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
