sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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