how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
