So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
