I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
