Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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