Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
