dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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