I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
