you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
