you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
