I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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