i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
