Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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