in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
She even gives head with a lisp.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
