She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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