I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
