You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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