I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So here I am, sexting at work.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
