Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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