Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
only you would photoshop your dick
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You were trust falling into bushes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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