I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
