I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
