You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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