she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
