Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
