i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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