Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
