I swear she didn't look like that last week.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
