You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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