I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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