just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
