Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
