i'm signing you up for texting rehab
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
