just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
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