I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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