If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
