You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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