OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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