I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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