ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
