well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I see more hoeing in ur future
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