Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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