your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
