textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
