So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize