so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
