Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
