Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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