Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
