I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
