im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
