I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
