if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize