I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
