I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
