I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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