i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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