We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
