remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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