You can't motorboat a personality
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
