I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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