I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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