Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize