My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
