if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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