hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
