I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
