Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
