You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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