So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize