If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
