Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
