I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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